I didn’t take very good care of myself today.
Fasting forces me to realize how important that is. Today I ended up going to a flea market in the East of Berlin. It was in a neighborhood that is just starting to get gentrified, so they have a nice mix of really exotic beautiful things and kitschy crap. So I bought a nice mix of exotic beautiful things and some kitschy crap, some frankincense from Yemen, a beautiful mixed incense called Ritual, three handmade silk pillow cases, a large sunflower painting, and a Marc Ecko designed Star Wars hoodie with Yoda clutching a scared heart as the logo.

Went from Clarity, Focus, and Emotional Stability to Delirious, Moody, and Just Plain Exhausted
Unfortunately I wasn’t planning on flea market shopping, and I ended up have to run to another appointment and didn’t get home until eight in the evening. This is really a reduced calorie cleansing, not a zero calories fast. I’m ‘eating’ about 250ml of organic vegetable juice twice a day at first around noon and normally another around six thirty in the evening. And that hour and a half really made a difference after running all over Berlin today. I acted down right loopy at my meeting I had to rush to make. By the time I got home, I felt delirious, moody (not too out of the ordinary, but different from the previous days fasting), and just plain exhausted. I’ve eaten some soup, played some guitar, and cuddled a bit with my honey since then, so I feel quite a bit better. But nowhere near the levels of clarity, focus, and emotional stability I had been feeling.

“Fasting… That’s a great drug.”
Days five, six were excellent and so was most of today . I told someone today at my meeting today that I was fasting as an excuse for my loopiness, who responded, “Fasting… That’s a great drug.” The comment really disturbed me because I have to admit that I do these fasts twice a year to alter my mood. In an emergency, I automatically know what to do I get very calm, clear and focused, maybe it’s my military training. I don’t know. Without a crisis, I can be quite distracted, focusing on various internal and external phenomena (Was that girl staring at me? What did I have for breakfast? Oooh look shiny…). After the fourth day, fasting tends to put me in that place of zen, very little internal dialogue, clear decision-making, and focused action. I guess I prefer my mood be survival mode; indecision is torture.

Really Important to Take Care of Ourselves
My honey finished her fast the day before yesterday. It was her first fast, and today she tried some frozen pizza and realized for the first time the effect on her body and her mind. Earlier today she said she was full after a small bowl of vegetable soup and a little couscous. But this evening she still wasn’t full after half the pizza. Then she got sad. It hard watching my honey get sad, pointing at random events and circumstances in her life as the reason though most of them had made her happy on other occasions. During our cuddle, she was very accepting when I tired to explain that the come down off the sugar rush from the pizza dough that was the problem, not her life entire life really.

Center of Gravity
As I’ve come out about my fasting practice, I’ve heard tales of anorexia nervous, confessions of problems not wanting to come off fasts, and today’s comment about fasting being a drug. I have to admit I have a bunch of spiritual journeymen for friends, many of them had tried fasting. I got quite a few “Wow”s, quite few “I missed my last fast,” quite few “good for you’s.” But the negative comments were quite chilling. I had planned to go seven to ten days. Today is not a good day to decide, too volatile. I’ll wake up tomorrow and decide if I go for eight or nine. Either way it’s one day at a time from here on out.

Tuesday evening in Berlin, my friend and I were scrambling for tickets to a sold out, global premier for a movie, for which I have never seen a T.V. spot, a preview, a review, or so much as a movie poster. The Age of Stupid is a truly underground global premier. I had never heard of this movie before, and I usually don’t expect a sold out show on a Tuesday night for a movie I have never heard of. I received a Facebook message yesterday from a friend, whom I do not hang out with enough, inviting me to see The Age of Stupid. On the way to the theater another friend phoned and decided she wanted to join us, leaving us scrambling on a Tuesday night for an extra ticket to a sold out show. While asking around for an extra ticket, I inquired how others had found out about this film, and almost everybody said Facebook or an email (nobody said Twitter or the television). So there I was outside of a theater trying to find scalped tickets thinking, “This scene is probably being played out all over the world. Sold out shows… People scrambling for tickets… Viral marketing rocks! Viral marketing is much better than direct marketing. Viral marketing can not only reach those who know whom might be interested in a particular product, viral marketing also has the added element of peer pressure persuasion.” Maybe peer persuasion is a better word. Thanks for reading.

Copenhagen December 2009. Call your representatives and make sure they support a deal as strong as the science demands.

August 31, 2008

Qualities of Dharma

The Dharma has six supreme qualities:

1. The Dharma is not a speculative philosophy, but is the Universal Law found through enlightenment and is preached precisely. Therefore it is Excellent in the beginning (Moral principles), Excellent in the middle (Concentration) and Excellent in the end (Wisdom),
2. The Dharma can be tested by practice and therefore he who follows it will see the result by himself through his own experience.
3. The Dharma is able to bestow timeless and immediate results here and now, for which there is no need to wait until the future or next existence.
4. The Dharma welcomes all beings to put it to the test and come and see for themselves.
5. The Dharma is capable of being entered upon and therefore it is worthy to be followed as a part of one’s life.
6. The Dharma can be perfectly realized only by the noble disciples who have matured and enlightened enough in supreme wisdom.

But remember folks, it’s really about progress rather than perfection. So let’s get started…

I don’t want to get too caught up in this illusion as if it matters. This life can be anything I choose. Shaking off the illusions should be my primary concern, and awakening others should be my primary purpose. I’m grateful that I can rise and remember.

… to awaken and help others…

I was talking to a large motherly woman called NaNa last night. We spoke together about the insanity of this world. We spoke of all the meta processes involved in living in Babylon: Finding a company to work for, trying to make some money, and paying for goods and services, which allow us to have and enjoy our lives. These meta processes create meta belief systems to support them; so that we can go through this illusion of life and believe we are sane and everything is as it should be. NaNa and I spoke together about how much closer we would be to living truly and completely if we lived in nature where every day our time would be taken finding or creating just what we needed to have and enjoy our lives instead of the also supporting the system which takes so much. Living simply is sounding very rewarding right now.The Bodhisattva is in me though. My bodhicitta heart helps me to feel the need to awaken others as I wipe the crust from my eye.

I’m quite familiar with Eckhart Tolle’s teaching. I’ve spent months studying the The Power of Now, and I got caught up in the A New Earth mania sponsored by Oprah. But I think he’s starting to believe his own hype. I think he is really starting to see himself as a new age Messiah. I subscribed to his channel on YouTube, and I found this passionate plea for us all to awaken:

Well okay… I guess he is as passionate as he can be for someone who claims to have no ego. There’s a point where he asks us to let this new consciou take us over. Something about that makes me nervous. What makes this other consciousness any better than mine? Is he for real? What do you think?

This is a brief introduction to a lecture by Bruce Lipton Ph.D. As with most introductions, there is quite a bit of hyperbole, but if you follow the link to the full lecture below, he gives a throughout explanation of an important shift in scientific thinking.

Full Lecture

In the full lecture, Dr. Lipton explains how the theoretical shift from Newtonian models to Quantum models shows that the body operates not by the rules of matter but by the rules of energy. Which makes all of the above hyperbole, quite possibly, an understatement.

I’ve been barreling through Siddhartha by Herman Hesse. The story is amazing. I’m so happy I reach a point in my life when I’m ready to hear it.

There is a part on page 37 at the beginning of the chapter called Awakening where Siddhartha goes through the process of creating value from emotions. As Siddhartha leaves Gotama — the Buddha, the Perfect One, his first holy man — his dear friend Govinda and “his former life behind him in the grove; as he slowly goes on his way, his head is full of his thoughts. He reflects deeply, until this feeling completely overwhelm him and he reaches a point where he recognizes causes; for to recognize causes, it seemed to him, is to think, and through thought alone feelings become knowledge and are not lost, but become real and begin to mature.”

Our feeling can have value in this realm of abstract thinking. The process of reflecting deeply on an emotional impulse until it overwhelms me, reaching a point where I can recognize causes is the point. This is thinking, Siddhartha said. Later on in the book when he is looking to win the favor of his first woman, the courtesan Kamala, he is asked what he can do and he says, “I can think. I can wait. And I can fast.” They don’t seem so, but these are powerful gifts. These gifts make him an individual and for one who fully comprehends the oneness of the universe recognizing one’s worth and ability as an individual is quite impressive. He does not take credit for God’s works. But with the gifts he possess, all of God’s gift find their way to and through him. Yes I. I can think. I can wait. I can fast.

Yes I.

Yes I Can.

Yes I.

I’m amazed as I lay down to sleep how easy this fast has been. Today the sounds have been most vibrant. I comtemplated going another day because I feel so much energy and clarity of thought. But tomorrow I am looking forward to feeling the energy of fruit juice. Just a little not so much it makes me sleepy. Just a little.

Today the smells have been incredible. As I walk around Berlin, I’ve noticed more than ever the smells from the bakeries, pizza places, imbisses, and restaurants. I guess that’s hunger, but the way I experienced it felt more like love. It was pure appreciation without the attachment to having the object of my attention.

This morning I had a little trouble getting out of bed without my usual addictions to motivate me. I’m glad I did though it was a beautiful day.

September 23, 2008

Today I began a three-day water fast with my new friend Nathan. This will be my second structured fast. I’ve gone for a day or two without eating, but those times were more spontaneous and without the intention of healing. We found some good information on fasting at the Mudita Journal. We decided on a three-day water fast because we didn’t have much time and we wanted to get the most bang for our buck. Yesterday I had only fruit juice. Today I began the water fast in earnest.

The first thing I noticed was my smell. As I took a shower this morning there was a rankness I wasn’t used to. I stopped wearing deodorant about a year ago as I became comfortable with the smell of my own body and this was not my normal smell. My mother always drummed it into me to wear deodorant. I always thought it was because we stank more because we were black and we needed to wear deodorant so we wouldn’t offend white people. It’s funny how these things get drummed into us and how we rebel.

The second thing I noticed was the hunger. I hadn’t been hungry in a week or so. I had been using food as a comfort, and the hunger never had a chance to arise faster than my neurosis.

The third thing I’ve notice is the passing of the hunger and my awareness of the feelings that took its place. I went to lunch with some friends at a nice vegetarian restaurant in Kreuzburg. There is something about cleansing the body that helps to enliven the senses. The colors of the food were so vibrant, almost magical with the red and purple beets, the bright orange carrots, and beautiful green tabuli. As I sat stood in line and looked at the food I noticed waves of feeling more akin to joy than suffering rush through my body. The feeling didn’t come from a specific place in my body, like the hunger which came earlier from my stomach. It was hard to tell if it even came from me or through me from outside somewhere. The same thing happen as I sat down to enjoy the company and conversation with my friends during their meal. I felt wave after wave of good feelings. I don’t know where feeling came from or what it was about, but I did enjoy the heightened awareness.